What is Happening to Me?

 Forties and fifties are major turning points in one’s life. I sense changes taking place soon as I join the ranks of millions of women who slathered on anti-wrinkling creams as a response to aging. I find myself often absorbed in deep thoughts and gazing at blank walls, brooding about life.

Did I make the right choices? Will I be useful in the years ahead? Will I be lonely?  How will my life end?

I am crossing a season of life which a few women enter willingly. My friends seem to be aging prematurely and so do I.  The thought of being home all day scares me. 

I am afraid of crossing over from mid-forties to mid-fifties, moving from a familiar territory into the unknown.

I have learned how to avoid pain and how to survive life hurdles thrown at me. I coped, but now I’m dumbfounded at my present circumstances which have changed considerably. After a lifetime of ineffective ways of dealing with life and its disappointments, will I finally land smack in the middle of a mid-life crisis?

What new directions should I undertake to achieve a meaningful second adulthood? Since change is inevitable, can I go through the process smoothly without making major life changes?